The Disordered One

It's been 13 days since I updated my blog. So, since today is Friday the 13th.. I might as well make this number significant. I have been under the weather (again) since New Years day, and I practically begged my doctor to prescribe a child's dose of antibiotics for me this time for fear of what the last batch of antibiotics did to me. Now that I am finally well , I will start finding a remedy for sickness number two. The doc has diagnosed me with a "mild" case of anxiety disorder + IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). Symptoms result from what appears to be a "disturbance in the interaction between the gut or intestines, the brain, and the autonomic nervous system that alters regulation of bowel motility (motor function) or sensory function". Mr Google also said IBS is generally classified as a "functional disorder".

As for the Anxiety Disorder, my case is more of a generalized anxiety disorder. Specific manifestations of anxiety vary for each person, which can affect six major systems of the body. Mine would be in the gastrointestinal system and respiratory system, whereby anxiety leads to reduced salivary secretions, spasms within the esophagus (the hollow muscular tube leading from the nose and mouth to the stomach), and alterations in the stomach, intestines, and anal sphincter. These systemic changes result in symptoms of dry mouth, difficulty swallowing, "butterflies" in the stomach, the gurgling sounds of gas in the intestines, and mucous colitis (an inflammation of the colon), causing spasms, diarrhea and/or constipation, and cramp-like pains in the upper stomach, and rapid heartbeats. So if you put two and two together, you can probably classify me as a NUT case.

I am probably going through this because of having to adapt to a new life, interviews, learning to drive in unfamiliar surroundings, learning to be a wife and daughter-in-law, dietary changes, new job, meeting new faces, feeling homesick, withdrawals from "nasi lemak", stress over the townhouse and new house. On top of that, I also think it's because I have yet to have control over my own life and still learning to adapt. I know it probably takes time.
So, probably this whole new change of lifestyle triggered these attacks. I am fine when I am in the solace of our home, but these attacks start when I am in the car, especially at the stop lights, slow traffic and long journeys. I could not even stay inside the car at a fastfood drive-thru or stopping at the ATM. And if a red stop light lasts for more than 30 seconds, I feel like jumping out of the car.

If it was just stress alone, I would have had these attacks before my wedding!!! But no, I was fine then, because I had my family around me then and I had control over the situation. So, atleast I have found the cause of it, but I now need to find the solution.

I am trying to source for natural remedies to cure my anxiety disorder instead of putting myself through medication (Xanax or Paxil). If you have any suggestions, I'd be glad to hear.

However, I am not totally doomed yet!!! Because I just read that meditation, yoga AND MASSAGE (I hope my hubby is reading this) are some tools that may be beneficial for reducing anxiety. So if I can persuade my hubby to give me a massage every night, then perhaps I shall be cured!!

So, yes, my New Year resolution is to find a cure and stop for my anxiety disorder so that I can lead a normal life!